21 Things Women Say They’ll Never Understand About Male Anatomy (NSFW)

Flickr / Fred Rockwood
Flickr / Fred Rockwood
Found on AskReddit.

1. Does your junk float in water like boobs do?

Do your dick and balls float a little in water like boobs do?

2. Where does your dick go while you’re running?

Where does your dick go while running? Does it just flip-flop around or does it fucking stabilize itself out of sheer willpower?

3. Where do your dicks go in the winter?

Where do your dicks go in the winter?

4. How the hell do dicks triple in size?

Dicks. It amazes me how it can go from a soft, little thing, to like three times as big and hard.

5. Do dicks have their own personal brains?

That your penis really does have a mind of its own. It’s crazy how it just gets hard whenever it feels like it.

6. So penises can just get hard whenever?

So…penises. They can just get hard whenever? Cause like I imagine that sucks when you’re giving a presentation, or at your grandmas house, or etc. Is it easy to hide it or are you just screwed?

7. Why do you have to squeeze the shaft while taking dick pics?

Why when you take a dick picture must you squeeze the shaft? What did it do to you? Does it owe you money. Did it kill your dad?

8. Why do your balls age quicker than the rest of you?

How their balls manage to age quicker than they do.

9. Do you ever accidentally sit on your balls?

Do men ever accidentally sit on their own balls?

10. How do you keep your balls from getting crushed?

Do men just like crush their balls when riding a bike/horse/etc?

11. Why is it SO easy for you to get hard?

How quickly they can a) get erections and b) sexualize the moment. I remember one time I was with a guy in a car and he grabbed my hand and I thought he was going to say something endearing and all the sudden something was touching my hand and bam he grabbed my hand and put it on his erect dick. Terrifying, really.

Or when you’re watching Netflix and they look over at you or start to grab you and they’re already hard… like were we watching the same movie? Jesus Christ.

12. Why does it take you SO long to take a shit?

How guys can take a shit for like 20 minutes. They literally bring like a book and a phone and make a day of it. For girls shitting, taking longer than 15 seconds means there’s a problem.

13. What happens if you are peeing and then all of a sudden you have to poop?

What happens if you are peeing and then all of a sudden you have to poop?

14. What’s the routine for when you have to pee and poop at the same time?

When guys have to pee and poop…do you pee standing up and then sit down and poop or do you just sit and pee and poop together?

15. How the hell are you able to stand up and pee?

A man’s need to stand up & pee is awe-inspiring. I am an ICU nurse and have seen men try to rip out breathing tubes, IVs, pull themselves up when paralyzed–all in the name of standing up to pee. “Sir, you have a catheter in” means nothing to a man who feels the need to stand up & pee.

16. What’s it feel like the first time you accidentally jizz?

Spermarche. That shit blew my mind when I found out about it. Everyone talks about the first time a girl gets her period but not the first time a guy jizzes. Not to mention that at that age a guy’s mom is doing his laundry. Do you try to hide it? Do you try to wash your underwear yourself so she doesn’t see? Or is it not a big deal? I need answers.

17. How do you masturbate so much?

How do they masturbate so many times a day?

18. Why are testicles always slowly moving in the scrotum like a lava lamp?

Speaking from the porn I’ve watched, it’s kind of strange to see a man’s balls inside the sac just… moving, without being touched or anything. Like they’ll separate and kind of move upwards beneath the skin and wherever, almost as if you’re flexing. Do they do that on their own, or is it like a clenching reaction? Do you feel it?

19. What’s so great about the way your balls smell that you’re always sniffing them?

Ball sniffing. I’ve seen guys do it without even realizing.

20. What’s so itchy about your balls that you’re always scratching them?

That men feel the need to continue to scratch their balls well after the itch has passed. Or even just to scratch them when they aren’t itchy.

21. Why does it take you so long to recover after an orgasm?

Women can orgasm multiple times, more than 10 times in a 30-40 minute session, but most men can’t go more than 3 times (as far as life has shown me). Why. How. Does sex not feel as great for you guys/ different nerve mechanics/ what? TC mark



14 Candid Questions With Danielle Guizio, A Girl Who Runs Shit

Danielle Guizio
Danielle Guizio

1. I was fan of yours in the MySpace heyday. It always felt like you kind of built a fan base just out of being funny and relatable, and having a good ear for music & eye for style. Did you ever have pipe dreams that weren’t within the design world (music, TV, PR, etc.), or was this always kind of the game plan?

It essentially was always the game plan. When I was little I would sit in my concrete basement for hours cutting out outfits from Limited Too magazines and pasting them onto paper and into new outfits that I thought worked better, making all of my outfits into an entire book. At age 18, I decided to go to fashion school to study the business aspect of it. When I was 20, I worked for a PR firm and took a few Psychology classes. I’ve always had a lot of different passions and hobbies that I’ve pursued, but what I do now definitely makes me the happiest and satisfies me the most. My entire life I’ve always knew that I wanted to work for myself. It just felt right.

Instagram Photo

2. What were the hardest obstacles in being young and starting a business? Do you feel like people doubted your level of dedication because of your youth?

Funding the project on my own was one of the biggest obstacles. I had been saving my tax return from my previous streetwear retail job at The Hundreds and also selling some of my own designer clothes/bags on the side — straight from my closet. I continued to keep flipping and built it off that. I don’t think people necessarily doubted my dedication, since the proof of my hard work was there for them to see. Luckily, I received a lot of positive support early on to keep motivated.

Instagram Photo

3. Do you work with a lot of creatives—designers, videographers, photographers stylists—to market your product? Is collaboration a source of inspiration for you?

Everyone I work with has such a creative, unique mind. Each of them inspires me, day after day. For example, my boyfriend Mark Shami is a jeweler/jewelry designer/videographer, his sister Kelly is an insanely talented graphic designer, my best friend Lisa Caprio is a hair & makeup artist, my friend Marcelo Gaia is a stylist. When you get all of us in a room together it’s just pure magic. I love working with friends, the vibe is natural and fun — and in my opinion that’s when the best ideas come to life.

4. It seems like you send along personal touches with all the purchases—whether it’s the tag printed inside with your branding or a little card—how important is all that in building a brand?

I am such a sucker for detail. It makes me feel that much closer to a brand. Especially being an online retailer, you want to strategize the best possible ways to give your customer the closest feeling to an in-store experience. If my tags made you giggle or crack a smile when you opened your purchase, then my mission is complete. In my eyes, a little bit of detail goes a long way. It’s like “hey..awwww, they care and they don’t JUST want my money..yay” *nuzzles into clothes*

Instagram Photo

5. You’ve always been successful at building a “personal brand,” before that was even a term people our age were aware of. Do you think of yourself as a brand? How do you separate yourself from your work?

I always say, we are all basically our own walking breathing billboard advertisements. It’s up to that person how they want to utilize what is around them and the tools given to us. Some people don’t necessarily look at them as tools though, which is interesting. For example, some people look at Instagram as strictly a platform to post photos of friends, family, what they have done, seen, or ate. Which is completely what Instagram is originally meant for. On the other hand, some people look at it as an outlet to grow a business and start a career. Everyone’s outlook is different, and that is totally okay.

6. You’re very very Chrissy Teigen-esque in terms of being off the cuff online—I’ve always admired how you come off both down to earth and confident at once. Do you have to think about your choices (re: what you put out there, what you say) more now that your name is associated with your business?

Thank you! Unfortunately, yes. I have toned it down a tiny bit, but I also think that has come with me growing up and maturing (but only roughly like, 5% more mature now). For example, I used to curse A LOT on social media and surprisingly I have come to realize that that just isn’t too cute. I want to be respected but also want to show my silly, fun, and carefree sides in the right/proper ways. Like, “Ohhhh..she funny but ohhh oh wait she mean biddness.”

Instagram Photo

7. How important is Instagram, in terms of promotion?

Instagram is extremely beneficial to our company. Along with our website itself and word of mouth, it is a crucial generator of sales and also goes a long way in giving the customer more of a visual experience. Theres only so much story a general product shot can tell. Instagram offers readers and consumers immediate interaction and a better understanding of what we stand for.

8. Do you know if Drake has seen your ‘Champagne Mami’ stuff?

Drake liked one of my Champagne Mami posts on Instagram. I was like, “Damn…okay, that works.”. Following that, I reached out to his team and made him a DG personalized custom Six God Bomber Jacket.

Danielle Guizio
Danielle Guizio

9. How much has your business grown from launch to present?

All of the companies I currently work with are companies I have looked up to for years. I’m really proud and grateful that things are going in that direction. My brand has seen huge growth since the launch but even though I’m so thankful for the progress, it isn’t nearly where I want it to be just yet. I have a bigger vision in my mind – I’m working on it.

10. Do you ship Drake & Rihanna as a couple?

Yes and yes. Although, my dream girl for Drake would have to be a concoction of Rih’s baditude/sass, Jennifer Lawrence’s personality, and Beyonce’s…just…everything.

11. Where’s the best burrito in NYC hiding?

Ugh, I’m still scouring the city for the perfect burrito but one of my favs has to be from Mission Cantina on Orchard. When it comes to tacos and atmosphere, I love Tacombi on Elizabeth. That’s one of my favorite restaurants in NYC.

12. You love WWE— which wrestler’s hypothetical clothing line would you want to collaborate on?

I love WWE but I’d have to take this one back to the WWF days and go with Sable – LATEX, LEATHER, AND CHAINS ANYTHING. My second option would be some Mick Foley/Danielle Guizio collaborative flannels.

13. What was your most embarrassing MySpace fashion moment?

Probably anything that had to do with side bangs and off to the side belts, oh and maybe bows and…okay actually, just everything in general. I’m probably most upset that my even worse phases didn’t make the cut of surfacing Internet days (such as punk, guido, ghetto fab, goth) I used to wear Korn, Slipknot, Nirvana, South Park t-shirts to school in 4th grade pre-MySpace.

Instagram Photo

14. What advice would you give to yourself at age 19?

Stop riding on the back of garbage trucks throughout New York City.

TC mark



How Old Are These Disney Princesses, According To A Website That Guesses Ages Based On A Picture

The internet is currently buzzing about a site that can guess your age based on your picture. So far it’s been fairly accurate but how accurate is it when faced with the immortal faces of some Disney princesses who aren’t real people at all? What’s specifically weird is how young all the new CGI princesses are. 

1. Elsa

elsa
via Disney

2. Ariel

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 5.42.11 PM
via Disney

3. Anna

anna
via Disney

4. Rapunzel

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 6.07.07 PM
via Disney

5. Belle

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 5.46.46 PM
via Disney

6. Snow White

Screen Shot 2015-04-30 at 5.41.26 PM
via Disney

7. Merida

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The Top Five *NSYNC Songs Of All-Time

Today is April 30, and by now you’ve surely seen the meme of a curly-haired Justin Timberlake across your social media platforms with “It’s Gonna Be May” across the photo. In honor of the former boy band’s unofficial holiday, I decided there was no better day than to list the top five *NSYNC songs of all-time.

I’ll go on record saying that I preferred *NSYNC to the Backstreet Boys, but BSB blew them away in terms of vocal talent. I’ll also give you one spoiler: “Tearin’ Up My Heart” didn’t make the cut.

5. “I Want You Back” (1996)

I never mind when my iTunes library plays this and the Jackson 5 song of the same name back-to-back. The group’s debut, breakout single was the perfect pop jam to burst them on the scene, but their best work was ahead of them.

The group sings from the male perspective about a love lost that he wants back, apologizing for all of his past sins. For millennials, this compares well with Maroon 5’s “Misery,” in that they are both surprisingly catchy and up-beat for songs with rather mellow lyrics.

4. “This I Promise You” (2000)

The group’s second ballad, “This I Promise You” was – and still is – was popular choice at weddings, and for good reason. The entire song consists of the group professing their love for their partner and how they want to spend the rest of their lives with them.

The boys were always good at pop, but they weren’t so bad at slowing it down and serenading the love of their life.

3. “Bye Bye Bye” (2000)

Arguably the group’s most popular hit, “Bye Bye Bye” was the group’s middle finger to an ex. After getting jerked around over the course of their one-sided relationship, the boys bolt for greener pastures. Relationships are a partnership, not a game; once the boys realized that, it was “Bye, Felicia.”

2. “It’s Gonna Be Me” (2000)

The follow-up to “Bye Bye Bye” and the group’s only No. 1 hit, this song cemented *NSYNC’s foundation for pop royalty. I’m currently 26, and whenever this song is on, the volume is going up, the windows are going down, and the f-cks given are going out of them.

I (unabashedly) remember most of the choreography from the “boy band” performances me, my brother and our friends used to put on at Letchworth Child Care Center. Word is that video evidence still exists, although I have not been able to obtain this alleged footage.

1. “God Must’ve Spent A Little More Time On You” (1998)

The group’s first ballad, this song is nearly five minutes worth of feels. Another popular song choice at weddings, “God Must’ve Spent A Little More Time On You” doesn’t have as much of a proposal feel that “This I Promise You” does, but I think it’s their best all-around song.

Gentleman, if you’re ever looking to woo your woman with a serenade, this is an excellent choice. TC mark



TV Brought Us Together

I’ve always wanted to be like my sister. She was the epitome of what I wanted to be: cool, quirky, intelligent, and did what she wanted. As kids, she would invent games for us to play in our backyard, dressed up as colonial villagers or spies or movie stars. She always knew what the story should be.

I always latched on to what she watched on TV. It’s a younger sister thing: doing what your big sister does because it’s obviously cooler than whatever you’re doing. I was the queen of it.

First came the innocence of watching Full House together. Every day during our summers, we’d spend all morning in the library, biding our time until we could run the half-mile home at lunchtime to watch the Tanner clan. Then it was the 90s thrill of Boy Meets World, watching Cory and Topanga grow up from cute kids to a married couple. I remember sitting on our designated cushions of the couch and glancing over to see her laughing at whatever shenanigans were happening onscreen.

As we approached high school, we moved on to the crime shows. First it was the CSI franchises, both Miami and New York but never the original. We got thoroughly invested in the characters. We tracked weight loss (there was that terrible “chubby Ryan” phase), love interests, and who we hoped would end up together in the end. Then came Bones and the many discussions over the Booth and Brennan relationship, debating when they would finally end up together.

We fell into Fringe as a happy accident, back when it used to come on after Bones. We would rush home after dance class to shower in the twenty minutes we had before it would start, then sit there with bowls of ice cream and dripping wet hair and our glyph chart to decode the symbols that came on before each commercial break. It would turn into a competition to see who could guess what the word would be before the end of the episode. She was much better at it than I was.

Then there was the glorious discovery of the original Degrassi on Hulu. Every day we would watch a few episodes together, covering the entire junior high and high school years in one of her winter breaks from college. I would rush through my homework to make sure we would have time to watch it before I would have to go to dance class.

Late nights meant watching Friends on Nick at Nite. We had a thing for shows from the 90s. There was always something better about them, a simpler time with less technology. We are members of that weird in-between generation, the ones who grew up as it developed into what it is today. Something about that easier time of payphones and no instagram was very appealing.

The summer before I started college she started watching How I Met Your Mother. I obviously had to join in on the fun. We’d eat our dinner together and watch it on Netflix, sympathizing with the struggles that Ted faced as he searched for love. We went our separate ways to our respective colleges as the final season started. It became tradition to stay up until midnight on Monday nights when the new episode would go online, wait until we both were ready, and start the episode at the same time so we could text on commercials and discuss it as we had all summer long.

There was something about fictional people that made it easier to understand my sister. It was like a peek into her mind, an easier way to see what she liked and what she didn’t. As we grew up, we became closer, especially once we started college. But in our adolescence, TV was a simpler way for me to connect to her. They may not be real, but those characters helped to fortify that bridge between us.

People may say that TV kills brain cells, but it certainly helped me be a better sister. TC mark



8 People You Don’t Know, Which Inexplicably Makes You A Moron

Broad City
Broad City

It doesn’t matter how cool you are, or how connected you are in the local community, or even how far reaching your friend group is—you can’t possibly know everybody or everything, and that’s okay. Unfortunately, today’s standards would indicate otherwise: you’re a moron if you didn’t know (that person) before now. The best advice is to just nod your head and smile when faced with these scenarios.

1. The host of this super sweet party that needs to stay on the “D.L.”

Sample Scenario: “You don’t even know the guy hosting that party? WOW, wait…really? Okay, well I know him and I can bring you with me, but do NOT tell anyone about it! The party is super chill just some close friends and stuff. I can’t believe you don’t even know him!”

2. This band that’s up and coming

Sample Scenario: “You don’t even know Slum Ford Tee Won And Suns? I’ve totally been following them from the beginning. Actually I’m friends with a few of them on Facebook. It’s no big deal, I guess. I mean, I’m sure you’ll know them eventually…like when they sell out and stuff. You should check them out on MySpace. Yeah, they’re kind of reverse pioneers in marketing themselves. It’s pretty punk rock.”

3. Your best friend’s best friend

Sample Scenario: “Oh, this is weird. You don’t know Rick? He’s been my best friend for a long time. Well, so have you, but so has he. So crazy you two haven’t met before! I can’t believe you don’t know him. I meet up with him for drinks at least twice a week. Haha. My bad you guys. Glad to finally bring you two together since you didn’t even know each other. This isn’t a weird vibe at all. We all totally get along—honestly.”

4. This snobby kid’s dad

Sample Scenario: “You didn’t even know that, that kid’s dad works at some big time bank when you messed up his latte, did you? Oh my God, you are so dumb! He’s totally going to get really pissed off at you, because he is absolutely entitled to do so! You’re an idiot for not knowing who his dad is; it’s so obvious! Didn’t you see his car outside which cost more than your house and his super sweet Polo shirt? HELLO! For real though you need to know who this kid’s dad is.”

5. This bartender at the cool pub downtown

Sample Scenario: “Seriously? You’ve don’t even know Willis at Scotch on the Rocks My Socks Offreally? I can get us some killer deals. He’ll totally give you free shots since you’re with me. I’m just blown away you don’t know him. I’m totally in with him. We’re really cool with each other. We might even hangout together sometime when he’s not at work. WOW though. You need to get out more if you don’t know Willis.”

6. This obscure comedian

Sample Scenario: “You don’t even know this jokester? Seriously? He’s so funny! Okay, listen to this right now…Okay that was a little weird. Yeah, wait for it. Haha, right? Hmmm. It was funnier the first time I heard it. Do you like it? Admittedly he’s rather strange, but I don’t know—I like it. Okay that part was a little racist, but he’s funny though! Right?…RIGHT? Well, he’s really popular. Anyway, we don’t have to listen to the whole thing. I’m seriously just shocked you don’t know him.”

7. This whimsical indie film maker

Sample Scenario: “DUDE! You haven’t seen these weird-ass movies? What? I can’t believe you don’t know this guy!”

8. You significant other’s best friend’s significant other

Sample Scenario: “You two have met before. Right? Oh, I guess not. Wow, can’t believe you two don’t know each other. Well, we’re going to leave you alone so you can change that. Have fun!” TC mark



16 Things Only Women Who Hate Cuddling Understand

Sex and the City
Sex and the City

1. People assume because you’re a woman, you automatically love cuddling. Because you know, with that thinking, all men hate it. All blondes are dumb. Wearing glasses makes you smart. You know — really well thought out generalizations that are totally valid!!

Glee
Glee

2. Sleeping over at someone’s place for the first time gives you serious anxiety. Will they try to snuggle you the whole time? Will they give you space? Will they have comfortable pillows that you can slyly stick in between your bodies as a “no cuddle zone” barrier??

3. You’ve mastered the tuck and roll.

Friends
Friends

4. Sleeping in your own bed is one of the purest joys you’ve ever known.

5. It’s not that you don’t want to wake up to someone special in the morning…but you’d much rather enjoy a solo night of REM cycle.

6. People mistake your anti-cuddling as being anti-affection. And that’s not true at all. You can be very affectionate and loving! You just don’t feel the need to be touching 24/7.

Arrested Development
Arrested Development

7. You start calculating the appropriate minutes to continue holding hands as soon as someone reaches for you. HANDS GET SWEATY, OKAY? It’s uncomfortable!

8. An arm around you = perfect.
An entire body all up in your personal bubble = not so perfect.

9. If you’re a fairly romantic person, people are shocked to hear you’re not a big snuggle bug. BUT, BUT…YOU CAN READ POETRY AND STILL NOT WANNA BE SUFFOCATED WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BODY!

10. In fact, the phrase “snuggle bug” is like nails on a chalkboard.

11. You feel like you’re always the opposite temperature of your partner. Are they cold? You’re a hot, sweaty mess. They want the air-conditioning on? You’re FREEZING YOUR ASS OFF.

12. NOTHING CAN PREPARE YOU FOR THE CREEPY FEELING OF YOUR FEET TOUCHING OTHER FEET UNDER THE BLANKETS. NOTHING!!!!!

13. Honestly, you’d just much rather have sex.

14. You enjoy keeping post-sex cuddling to a maximum of 15-20 minutes.

15. You’re actually much more cuddly with your platonic friends.

Friends
Friends

16. But just because you aren’t the first one to jump on the cuddle train, you still give 100% to relationships. And when it really matters, you’ll sacrifice a few uncomfortable nights and embrace the neck cramps. TC mark


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This Nonprofit Is Helping Women Build Up A Community And Live A “No Barriers” Life

No Barriers Women
Carrie Visintainer

When I arrived at the Sundance Trail Guest Ranch in rural Colorado on a sunny Thursday afternoon, a group of women from the nonprofit of No Barriers were sitting on the expansive wooden porch. I only knew one of them, peripherally, and as I sloshed through the spring snow, dressed in a long skirt and sandals, and found a spot for myself at the outer edge of their circle, I scanned their faces, wondering what they thought of me and nervously introduced myself. People said hello and a few women held out their hands to shake mine. They seemed nice, but mostly I noticed they were all, unlike me, appropriately dressed in jeans and hiking boots.

The reason I was sort of dressed up was that I knew I’d been invited to this ranch for an important reason: to spend three days participating in the development of a new program. I wanted to look committed. Their mission is to empower people to shatter barriers, find their inner purpose, and contribute their very best to the world, and they’ve worked internationally with thousands of people from diverse populations, including wounded veterans, people with disabilities, and at-risk youth. Their work is truly inspiring.

This new program was to focus on a population I work closely with: Women. And as a writer, they’d asked me to help develop the language for their website and promotional materials.

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No Barriers

As I settled into my spot, I listened to the conversation and noticed that they were just getting started with the retreat, going around the circle talking about a striking moment in their lives involving women. People were sharing really compelling, touching, interesting stories. Half-listening, I wracked my brain to think of something that would measure up. I knew I had stories, but under pressure, I found myself freezing-up.

And then it was almost my turn, and I felt my pulse quicken, and the woman next to me opened her mouth to speak. But instead of sharing a story, she said something like, “I never know what to say during these things.”

I smiled. Her admission relaxed me, partly because she made me feel less alone, and partly because I appreciated her bravery in sharing so honestly at the very beginning of the retreat. I chimed in, saying that I shared her sentiment, which led to casual comments and jokes from the other women. For me, this totally broke the ice, telling me what I needed to know about this group: They were open and honest and embraced all of the opinions in the room. Talk about shattering barriers. (At the first break, I changed into a sweater and yoga pants.)

This set the stage for a powerful three days of hard work. Prepared to the “T,” the facilitators took to the flip chart, asking questions to get our juices flowing and recording our thoughts, and then before we knew it, the Women program was beginning to form right in front of our eyes. It would launch with a three-day Women’s Summit in the fall, which would include inspiring speakers, outdoor adventures, and opportunities to embrace creative endeavors; all fostering a strong sense of community among the participants.

Now ready to dive into the details, we split into small groups to focus on specific parts of the event, such as location and timing, marketing materials, sponsors, and volunteers. The energy was high as people got to work, brainstorming and plotting.

The work over the course of the retreat was exhausting, in that “we’re doing something major” kind of way, but there were plenty of breaks that involved horseback riding and game-playing and hot-tubbing and snacking. I found myself struck time and again by the talent in the room—intelligence interwoven with passion—and how closely we connected as a group. It was clear that these women were committed to creating a program with both a beautiful beginning and future.

The end result is something I’m proud to have been a part of, an experience that’s impacted my life in a positive way. I’m glad I overcame my own obstacles to take part in the planning, and I can’t wait to savor the exciting culmination of our work.

The first No Barriers Women Summit will take place October 8-11 in Telluride, Colorado. Check out the initial details here. Much more to come! TC mark



5 Valid Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms

Girls
Girls

Where to start? I think it’s safe to say that most women have faked an orgasm or two. I know some women who fake all of their orgasms. We’re all pretty great actors in the end. Remember that scene in ​When Harry met Sally​? Yeah, that. Women don’t often have proof that they have orgasmed. There may be no trace of the event! No goopy liquids and no visible signs of “coming down” from climax. Who could blame a woman for faking orgasms? Certainly not me.

This article is not in attempt to shame women. Not at all. There are very valid and justified reasons to fake orgasms. The following are just common reasons as to why we might, and hopefully this will help to initiate a safe and positive conversation between you and your sex partner.

1. Hetero­women – especially upon first hooking up with a guy – are very concerned about pleasing him.

So much so that we aren’t even thinking very much about ourselves. Sadly, above all, we want to ensure that he ejaculates. It reassures us that we have been successful (I mean, it’s bizarre to even say this). If he ejaculates, we have won. We did it. Oh wait, we didn’t orgasm.

2. It often takes us some time to share what really gets us going.

We might need to feel truly secure in the relationship, and feel that our partner is open to hearing about our desires and fantasies before we are ​able​to cum. Maybe we’re really into using a dildo in foreplay, or really pumped when we get to wear masks. Maybe we want to get on top and rub ourselves against you in a very particular way. Whatever the case, be patient and understanding with us. We’re getting to know you!

3. Sometimes sex is painful for women.

I’ve heard many women say that sex is painful when they are close to their period, or on their period. For some, sex is painful all the time. Birth control pills can make the lining in our vaginas thinner and more sensitive too. It could be because we have endometriosis or ovarian cysts. Some of us have experienced sexual trauma as well. We might not be able to cum as easily or in as many positions as we’d like to. Again, this is worth discussing if your sex partner is comfortable in sharing.

4. Women can feel vulnerable (as can men) in expressing their orgasm.

We can become seriously sweaty­­ like just ran a marathon sweaty. We might make somewhat disturbing faces or even worse, we might let out a little toot or queef! Sex is vulnerable. You just really can’t be sure what is going to happen when you relax and release. Perhaps one time you had let out some pee, and that was awful or embarrassing for you. Our bodies are unpredictable little empires and that’s pretty great if you can see it in the right light.

5. Lots of women don’t know how to orgasm during sex.

Not because they’re stupid or haven’t thought enough about it, but because it’s never happened and they’ve tried lots of different things. Did you know antidepressants and other medications make it very difficult to cum? Like, nearly impossible. I know women who report only orgasming at the gym, in their sleep or while laughing really hard. There are so many ways of being! Women who can’t orgasm during sex often are frustrated by it, and might be more into sex because it feels good in other ways. You know, nipples and stuff. Nipples are fun. It feels great to be intimate and close to someone special.

Lady­friends, masterbate! If that’s something you’re open to trying more often, it can be a wonderful way to figure out what makes you cum. A friend of mine use to call it “Me­time” and I love that so much. Giving pleasure to yourself is incredibly empowering. Try lots of different things. Use toys? Use lube? Lay on your belly? Lay on your back? Try the corner of a table? Make sounds. There is nothing wrong with you. And there is nothing wrong with faking orgasms. Do what’s right for your body in your relationships. TC mark



8 Things You Agree To When Drunk That You’ll Inevitably Regret By Morning

1. Next day brunch.

You’re having a blast—either with a group of close friends, or acquaintances turned besties by way of several tequila shots—and in the moment you need to prove your allegiance to the night. You absolutely must communicate that your only wish is for the life-long memory making fun you’re all having to continue. Naturally, the best way to convey your heartfelt enthusiasm is to suggest meeting up for brunch the next day. But as soon as you wake up and the massive hangover takes over, you regret every ode to never-ending friendship and you want nothing less than a bottomless mimosa. Unfortunately, there’s bound to be a single brunch holdout who manages to make you feel a little bit bad about canceling. Ugh.

2. A wake-him-up BJ.

You’re sloppy drunk and incapable of removing your clothes, let alone coordinating intercourse, so you do what any woman would to save herself from being pawed at by her horny boyfriend all night long: You promise him that if he lets you off the sex hook and leaves you alone for the time being, you’ll give him a badass blowjob first thing in the morning. But as you come to, head pounding, mouth dryer than cotton, you want to smack your past self for making such an idiotic promise. Whether or not you’re brave enough to deny a man oral sex after explicitly promising it to him, the first half hour of the day stands to be excessively painful.

3. A charitable act or donation.

One of the cruelest side effects of drinking alcohol is the false sense of goodness it instills in you. Thinking that you’re twice as good as you actually are, you promise to volunteer your time and/or resources to a charitable cause. Dance-a-thon? Count me in! Of course I’ll buy a $100 ticket to the autism benefit. I can’t think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving than to serve dinner to 1,000 people in need! In reality, however, your heart is more likely to shrink two sizes once the hangover that follows your big night turns your into a selfish creature with precisely two goals in life: carbohydrates and bad TV. If you don’t remember making a promise, does it really even count?

4. A monthly book club.

Once you graduate, the joy of reading rests in designing your very own personal syllabus. You get to turn each page of the books you’ve chosen without concern for themes, term papers, exams, or future class discussions. But in the haze of intoxication, when your peppy friend (whose favorite recent read is Fifty Shades, no doubt) approaches you about joining her monthly book club, the whole thing sounds wonderfully quaint—inspiring even. So you rattle off your email address and commit to bringing a cheese plate to the next gathering. The following day you wake up to twenty achingly cheery emails welcoming you to your new group. Either you bail immediately, or delete the messages for the time being and conveniently develop food poisoning the night before every forthcoming meeting until they kindly give up on you.

5. A joint business venture.

There’s a reason the three-martini lunch used to be a thing, and why executives often close deals during happy hour. Pretty much every business idea sounds awesome if it’s pitched after a few stiff drinks. You need someone to co-author a blog dog about dying dogs? What’s that, you want to hire someone to do all of the work without getting paid? So there’s no potential upside, but you want to place your trust in me of all people? Of course I’m in! The most you can hope for by morning is that you didn’t sign on any dotted lines.

6. A misguided romantic set-up.

For whatever reason, you transform into a poor man’s Cupid when drunk. You become adamant about setting people up, but your booze goggles tend to envision the worst matches possible. Suddenly, you’re convinced that your hot bro-y colleague is a perfect fit for your introverted, artistic bestie. It takes the sharp, unforgiving glare of morning light to make you realize that you’ve put yourself in the awkward position of orchestrating a sure-to-fail date. The worst part is that single people tend to follow up when told that the “exact right person” for them is definitely sitting there in your contacts folder. Next day, the misguided matchmaker in you faces two choices: Execute the set-up and bear the weight of responsibility for misleading two innocents, or lie and say that you were mistaken about your colleague’s availability.

7. A double date.

The best and worst time to meet someone’s new beaux is when you’re sloshed. On the upside, you’re pretty much guaranteed to like every person you meet when you’re too wasted to examine them properly for flaws. On the downside, you’re likely to propose a double date because doing so seems like the only way to satisfy the friend seeking approval of their new boyfriend of girlfriend. Problem is, you’d much rather reserve your discretionary dinner budget for meals with people you already know. Your only hope is to reschedule a few times and pray for them to break up in the meantime.

8. A professional introduction.

To your drunk self, connecting two people always sounds like a swell idea. You forget that you only have one favor to cash in with the super important exec you happened to befriend on the flight back from studying abroad; that you don’t exactly know so-and-so well enough to facilitate an intro; that you’re not exactly in a position to reach out to your high-school-boyfriend-turned-billionaire-tech-entrepreneur because you Tweeted something terribly aggro about their latest venture the last time your were sauced. Whoops. You’ll just have to say you reached out and (so weird!) never heard back. TC mark