No seriously he drew these. Also, zombies. Because I can. I do what I want
No seriously he drew these. Also, zombies. Because I can. I do what I want
The classic block-puzzle game returns with a second iteration. This is a Game Battle entry, and is quite fun!
At TRUMPYNGTOUN, nat fer fro Cantebrigge,
Ther gooth a brook, and over that a brigge,
Upon the whiche brook ther stant a melle;
70And this is verray sooth that I yow telle.
A millere was ther dwellynge many a day;
As any pecok he was proud and gay.
Pipen he koude and fisshe, and nettes beete,
And turne coppes, and wel wrastle and sheete;
75Ay by his belt he baar a long panade,
And of a swerd ful trenchant was the blade.
A joly poppere baar he in his pouche;
Ther was no man, for peril, dorste hym touche.
A Sheffeld thwitel baar he in his hose.
80Round was his face, and camus was his nose;
As piled as an ape was his skulle.
He was a market-betere atte fulle.
Ther dorste no wight hand upon hym legge,
That he ne swoor he sholde anon abegge.
85A theef he was for sothe of corn and mele,
And that a sly, and usaunt for to stele.
His name was hoote deynous Symkyn.
A wyf he hadde, ycomen of noble kyn;
The person of the toun hir fader was.
90With hire he yaf ful many a panne of bras,
For that Symkyn sholde in his blood allye.
She was yfostred in a nonnerye;
For Symkyn wolde no wyf, as he sayde,
But she were wel ynorissed and a mayde,
95To saven his estaat of yomanrye.
And she was proud, and peert as is a pye.
A ful fair sighte was it upon hem two;
On halydayes biforn hire wolde he go
With his typet wound aboute his heed,
100And she cam after in a gyte of reed;
And Symkyn hadde hosen of the same.
Ther dorste no wight clepen hire but 'dame';
Was noon so hardy that went by the weye
That with hire dorste rage or ones pleye,
105But if he wolde be slayn of Symkyn
With panade, or with knyf, or boidekyn.
For jalous folk ben perilous everemo;
Algate they wolde hire wyves wenden so.
And eek, for she was somdel smoterlich,
110She was as digne as water in a dich,
And ful of hoker and of bisemare.
Hir thoughte that a lady sholde hire spare,
What for hire kynrede and hir nortelrie
That she hadde lerned in the nonnerie.
115 A doghter hadde they bitwixe hem two
Of twenty yeer, withouten any mo,
Savynge a child that was of half yeer age;
In cradel it lay and was a propre page.
This wenche thikke and wel ygrowen was,
120With kamus nose, and eyen greye as glas,
With buttokes brode, and brestes rounde and hye;
But right fair was hire heer, I wol nat lye.
This person of the toun, for she was feir,
In purpos was to maken hire his heir,
125Bothe of his catel and his mesuage,
And straunge he made it of hir mariage.
His purpos was for to bistowe hire hye
Into som worthy blood of auncetrye;
For hooly chirches good moot been despended
130On hooly chirches blood, that is descended.
Therfore he wolde his hooly blood honoure
Though that he hooly chirche sholde devoure.
Greet sokene hath his millere, out of doute,
With whete and malt of al the land aboute;
135And nameliche ther was a greet collegge
Men clepen the Soler Halle at Cantebregge;
Ther was hir whete and eek hir malt ygrounde.
And on a day it happed, in a stounde,
Sik lay the maunciple on a maladye;
140Men wenden wisly that he sholde dye.
For which this millere stal bothe mele and corn
And hundred tyme moore than biforn;
For therbiforn he stal but curteisly,
But now he was a theef outrageously,
145For which the wardeyn chidde and made fare.
But therof sette the millere nat a tare;
He cracketh boost, and swoor it was nat so.
Thanne were ther yonge povre scolers two,
That dwelten in this halle, of which I seye.
150Testif they were, and lusty for to pleye,
And oonly for hire myrthe and revelrye,
Upon the wardeyn bisily they crye
To yeve hem leve, but a litel stounde,
To goon to mille and seen hir corn ygrounde;
155And hardily they dorste leye hir nekke
The millere sholde not stele hem half a pekke
Of corn by sleighte, ne by force hem reve;
And at the laste the wardeyn yaf hem leve.
John highte that oon, and Aleyn highte that oother;
160Of o toun were they born, that highte Strother,
Fer in the north, I kan nat telle where.
This Aleyn maketh redy al his gere,
And on an hors the sak he caste anon.
Forth goth Aleyn the clerk, and also John,
165With good swerd and with bokeler by hir syde.
John knew the wey, – hem nedede no gyde, –
And at the mille the sak adoun he layth.
Aleyn spak first, “Al hayl, Symond, y-fayth!
Hou fares thy faire doghter and thy wyf?”
170 “Aleyn, welcome,” quod Symkyn, “by my lyf!
And John also, how now, what do ye heer?”
“Symond,” quod John, “by God, nede has na peer.
Hym boes serve hymself that has na swayn,
Or elles he is a fool, as clerkes sayn.
175Oure manciple, I hope he wil be deed,
Swa werkes ay the wanges in his heed;
And forthy is I come, and eek Alayn,
To grynde oure corn and carie it ham agayn;
I pray yow spede us heythen that ye may.”
180 “It shal be doon,” quod Symkyn, “by my fay!
What wol ye doon whil that is in hande?”
“By God, right by the hopur wil I stande,”
Quod John, “and se howgates the corn gas in.
Yet saugh I nevere, by my fader kyn,
185How that the hopur wagges til and fra.”
Aleyn answerde, “John, and wiltow swa?
Thanne wil I be bynethe, by my croun,
And se how that the mele falles doun
Into the trough; that sal be my disport.
190For John, y-faith, I may been of youre sort;
I is as ille a millere as ar ye.”
This millere smyled of hir nycetee,
And thoghte, “Al this nys doon but for a wyle.
They wene that no man may hem bigyle,
195But by my thrift, yet shal I blere hir ye,
For al the sleighte in hir philosophye.
The moore queynte crekes that they make,
The moore wol I stele whan I take.
In stide of flour yet wol I yeve hem bren.
200'The gretteste clerkes been noght wisest men,'
As whilom to the wolf thus spak the mare.
Of al hir art ne counte I noght a tare.”
Out at the dore he gooth ful pryvely,
Whan that he saugh his tyme, softely.
205He looketh up and doun til he hath founde
The clerkes hors, ther as it stood ybounde
Bihynde the mille, under a levesel;
And to the hors he goth hym faire and wel;
He strepeth of the brydel right anon.
210And whan the hors was laus, he gynneth gon
Toward the fen, ther wilde mares renne,
And forth with 'wehee,' thurgh thikke and thurgh thenne
This millere gooth agayn, no word he seyde,
But dooth his note, and with the clerkes pleyde,
215Til that hir corn was faire and weel ygrounde.
And whan the mele is sakked and ybounde,
This John goth out and fynt his hors away,
And gan to crie “Harrow!” and “Weylaway!
Oure hors is lorn, Alayn, for Goddes banes,
220Step on thy feet! Com of man, man, al atanes!
Allas, our wardeyn has his palfrey lorn.”
This Aleyn al forgat, bothe mele and corn;
Al was out of his mynde his housbonderie.
“What, whilk way is he geen?” he gan to crie.
225 The wyf cam lepynge inward with a ren.
She seyde, “Allas! youre hors goth to the fen
With wilde mares, as faste as he may go.
Unthank come on his hand that boond hym so,
And he that bettre sholde han knyt the reyne!”
230 “Allas,” quod John, “Aleyn, for Cristes peyne,
Lay doun thy swerd, and I wil myn alswa.
I is ful wight, God waat, as is a raa;
By Goddes herte, he sal nat scape us bathe!
Why ne had thow pit the capul in the lathe?
235Ilhayl! by God, Alayn, thou is a fonne!”
Thise sely clerkes han ful faste yronne
Toward the fen, bothe Aleyn and eek John.
And whan the millere saugh that they were gon,
He half a busshel of hir flour hath take,
240And bad his wyf go knede it in a cake.
He seyde, “I trowe the clerkes were aferd
Yet kan a millere make a clerkes berd,
For al his art; now lat hem goon hir weye!
Lo, wher he gooth! ye, lat the children pleye.
245They gete hym nat so lightly, by my croun.”
Thise sely clerkes rennen up and doun
With 'Keep! keep! stand! stand! jossa, warderere,
Ga whistle thou, and I shal kepe hym heere!'
But shortly, til that it was verray nyght,
250They koude nat, though they dide al hir myght,
Hir capul cacche, he ran alwey so faste,
Til in a dych they caughte hym atte laste.
Wery and weet, as beest is in the reyn,
Comth sely John, and with him comth Aleyn.
255″Allas,” quod John, “the day that I was born!
Now are we dryve til hethyng and til scorn.
Oure corn is stoln, men wil us fooles calle,
Bathe the wardeyn and oure felawes alle,
And namely the millere, weylaway!”
260 Thus pleyneth John as he gooth by the way
Toward the mille, and Bayard in his hond.
The millere sittynge by the fyr he fond,
For it was nyght, and forther myghte they noght;
But for the love of God they hym bisoght
265Of herberwe and of ese, as for hir peny.
The millere seyde agayn, “If ther be eny,
Swich as it is, yet shal ye have youre part.
Myn hous is streit, but ye han lerned art;
Ye konne by arguments make a place
270A myle brood of twenty foot of space.
Lat se now if this place may suffise,
Or make it rowm with speche, as is your gise.”
“Now, Symond,” seyde John, “by seint Cutberd,
Ay is thou myrie, and this is faire answerd.
275I have herd seyd, 'Man sal taa of twa thynges
Slyk as he fyndes, or taa slyk as he brynges.'
But specially I pray thee, hooste deere,
Get us som mete and drynke, and make us cheere,
And we wil payen trewely atte fulle.
280With empty hand men may na haukes tulle;
Loo, heere oure silver, redy for to spende.”
This millere into toun his doghter sende
For ale and breed, and rosted hem a goos,
And booned hire hors, it sholde namoore go loos;
285And in his owene chambre hem made a bed,
With sheetes and with chalons faire yspred,
Noght from his owene bed ten foot or twelve.
His doghter hadde a bed, al by hirselve,
Right in the same chambre by and by.
290It myghte be no bet, and cause why?
Ther was no roumer herberwe in the place.
They soupen and they speke, hem to solace,
And drynken evere strong ale atte beste.
Aboute mydnyght wente they to reste.
295 Wel hath this millere vernysshed his heed;
Ful pale he was for dronken, and nat reed.
He yexeth, and he speketh thurgh the nose
As he were on the quakke, or on the pose.
To bedde he goth, and with hym goth his wyf.
300As any jay she light was and jolyf,
So was hir joly whistle wel ywet.
The cradel at hir beddes feet is set,
To rokken, and to yeve the child to sowke.
And whan that dronken al was in the crowke,
305To bedde wente the doghter right anon;
To bedde goth Aleyn and also John;
Ther nas na moore, – hem nebede no dwale.
This millere hath so wisely bibbed ale
That as an hors he fnorteth in his sleep,
310Ne of his tayl bihynde he took no keep.
His wyf bar hym a burdon, a ful strong;
Men myghte hir rowtyng heere two furlong;
The wenche rowteth eek, par compaignye.
Aleyn the clerk, that herde this melodye,
315He poked John, and seyde, “Slepestow?
Herdestow evere slyk a sang er now?
Lo, swilk a complyn is ymel hem alle,
A wilde fyr upon thair bodyes falle!
Wha herkned evere slyk a ferly thyng?
320Ye, they sal have the flour of il endyng.
This lange nyght ther tydes me na reste;
But yet, nafors, al sal be for the beste.
For, John,” seyde he, “als evere moot I thryve,
If that I may, yon wenche wil I swyve.
325Som esement has lawe yshapen us;
For, John, ther is a lawe that says thus,
That gif a man in a point be agreved,
That in another he sal be reveled.
Oure corn is stoln, sothly, it is na nay,
330And we han had an il fit al this day;
And syn I sal have neen amendement
Agayn my los, I will have esement.
By Goddes sale, it sal neen other bee!”
This John answerde, “Alayn, avyse thee!
335The millere is a perilous man, “he seyde,
“And gif that he out of his sleep abreyde,
He myghte doon us bathe a vileynye.”
Aleyn answerde, “I counte hym nat a flye.”
And up he rist, and by the wenche he crepte.
340This wenche lay uprighte, and faste slepte,
Til he so ny was, er she myghte espie,
That it had been to late for to crie,
And shortly for to seyn, they were aton.
Now pley, Aleyn, for I wol speke of John.
345 This John lith stille a furlong wey or two,
And to hymself he maketh routhe and wo.
“Allas!” quod he, “this is a wikked jape;
Now may I seyn that I is but an ape.
Yet has my felawe somwhat for his harm;
350He has the milleres doghter in his arm.
He auntred hym, and has his nedes sped,
And I lye as a draf-sak in my bed;
And when this jape is tald another day,
I sal been halde a daf, a cokenay!
355I wil arise and auntre it, by my fayth!
'Unhardy is unseely,' thus men sayth.”
And up he roos, and softely he wente
Unto the cradel, and in his hand it hente,
And baar it softe unto his beddes feet.
360 Soon after this the wyf hir rowtyng leet,
And gan awake, and wente hire out to pisse,
And cam agayn, and gan hir cradel mysse
And groped heer and ther, but she found noon.
“Allas!” quod she, “I hadde almoost mysgoon;
365I hadde almoost goon to the clerkes bed.
Ey, benedicite! thanne hadde I foule ysped.”
And forth she gooth til she the cradel fond.
She gropeth alwey forther with hir hond,
And foond the bed, and thoghte noght but good,
370By cause that the cradel by it stood,
And nyste wher she was, for it was derk;
But faire and wel she creep in to the clerk,
And lith ful stille, and wolde han caught a sleep.
Withinne a while this John the clerk up leep,
375And on this goode wyf he leith on soore.
So myrie a fit ne hadde she nat ful yoore;
He priketh harde and depe as he were mad.
This joly lyf han thise two clerkes lad
Til that the thridde cok bigan to synge.
380 Aleyn wax wery in the dawenynge,
For he had swonken al the longe nyght,
And seyde, “Fare weel, Malyne, sweete wight!
The day is come, I may no lenger byde;
But everemo, wher so I go or ryde,
385I is thyn awen clerk, swa have I seel!”
“Now, deere lemman,” quod she, “go, far weel!
But er thow go, o thyng I wol thee telle:
Whan that thou wendest homward by the melle,
Right at the entre of the dore bihynde
390Thou shalt a cake of half a busshel fynde
That was ymaked of thyn owene mele,
Which that I heelp my sire for to stele.
And, goode lemman, God thee save and kepe!”
And with that word almoost she gan to wepe.
395 Aleyn up rist, and thoughte, “Er that it dawe
I wol crepen in by my felawe,”
And fond the cradel with his hand anon.
“By God,” thoughte he, al wrang I have mysgon.
Myn heed is toty of my swynk to-nyght,
400That makes me that I ga nat aright.
I woot wel by the cradel I have mysgo;
Heere lith the millere and his wyf also.”
And forth he goth, a twenty devel way,
Unto the bed ther as the millere lay.
405He wende have cropen by his felawe John,
And by the millere in the creep anon,
And caughte hym by the nekke, and softe he spak.
He seyde, “Thou John, thou swynes-heed, awak,
For Cristes saule, and heer a noble game.
410For by that lord called is seint Jame,
As I have thries in this shorte nyght
Swyved the milleres doghter bolt upright,
Whil thow hast, as a coward, been agast.”
“Ye, false harlot,” quod the millere, “hast?
415A, false traitor! false clerk!” quod he,
Tow shalt be deed, by Goddes dignitee!
Who dorste be so boold to disparage
My doghter, that is come of swich lynage?'
And by the throte-bolle he caughte Alayn,
420And he hente hym despitously agayn,
And on the nose he smoot hym with his fest.
Doun ran the blody streem upon his brest;
And in the floor, with nose and mouth tobroke,
They walwe as doon two pigges in a poke;
425And up they goon, and doun agayn anon,
Til that the millere sporned at a stoon,
And doun he fil bakward upon his wyf,
That wiste no thyng of this nyce stryf;
For she was falle aslepe a lite wight
430With John the clerk, that waked hadde al nyght,
And with the fal out of hir sleep she breyde.
“Help! hooly croys of Bromeholm,” she seyde,
'In manus tuas! Lord, to thee I calle!
Awak, Symond! The feend is on me falle.
435Myn herte is broken; help! I nam but deed
Ther lyth oon upon my wombe and on myn heed.
Help. Symkyn, for the false clerkes fighte!”
This John stirte up as faste as ever he myghte,
And graspeth by the walles to and fro,
440To fynde a staf; and she stirte up also,
And knew the estres bet than dide this John,
And by the wal a staf she foond anon,
And saugh a litel shymeryng of a light,
For at an hole in shoon the moone bright;
445And by that light she saugh hem bothe two,
But sikerly she nyste who was who,
But as she saugh a whit thyng in hir ye.
And whan she gan this white espye,
She wende the clerk hadde wered a volupeer,
450And with the staf she drow ay neer and neer,
And wende han hit this Aleyn at the fulle,
And smoot the millere on the pyled skulle,
That doun he gooth, and cride, “Harrow! I dye!”
Thise clerkes beete hym weel and lete hym lye;
455And greythen hem, and tooke hir hors anon,
And eek hire mele, and on hir wey they gon.
And at the mille yet they tooke hir cake
Of half a busshel flour, ful wel ybake.
Thus is the proude millere wel ybete,
460And hath ylost the gryndynge of the whete,
And payed for the soper everideel
Of Aleyn and of John, that bette hym weel.
His wyf is swyved, and his doghter als.
Lo, swich it is a millere to be fals!
465And therfore this proverbe is seyd ful sooth,
'Hym thar nat wene wel that yvele dooth';
A gylour shal hymself bigyled be.
And God, that sitteth heighte in magestee,
Save al this compaignye, grete and smale!
470Thus have I quyt the Millere in my tale.
Heere is ended the Reves Tale
Destroy the towers, and ye shall win. An enjoyable and fun game.
Here’s a glorious Tower Defense game for a Thursday afternoon. Protect your roads from hordes of orcs with strategically placed towers. This is definitely what you want to be doing with the rest of your day.
These continual image releases are a slow burn of happiness.
SAMALdesign has been making these glasses in an ’80s retro pixelated style. If they weren’t so spendy I would already own a pair. (via The Uniblog )